But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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