My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
