did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
