i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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