I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
