I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
