oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
