Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
