k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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