Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
