I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
