He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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