So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
