I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
