yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
