how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
