And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
