my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
