So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
