i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
