The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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