I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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