My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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