I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He shit in the fireplace
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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