i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
ok first of all what the fuck
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
