i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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