We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you win again, gameday.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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