I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
