I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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