I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
