i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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