haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
