Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
