I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
