i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
