I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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