i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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