why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My vagina is officially offended.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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