The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
