4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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