I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
