Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
