It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize