WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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