I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
