ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
