is your mom at the bar?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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