I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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