I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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