First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize