When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
