I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
