I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
