I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
