..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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