i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
