that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
