Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
