just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dick very happy bro
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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