Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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