She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I will pee on everything he values.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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