Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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