i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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