my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
