just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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